Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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