I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
