Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
