Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize