How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
