Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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