Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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