Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
