I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
