I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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