we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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