its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
