Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
