That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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