her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
