Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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