Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
