I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
