areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
