So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
