how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
