And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
