Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
