You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
