i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
