Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
