My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
