dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I came so hard my ears popped.
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