I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
