Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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