4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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