I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
