My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
