Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
