she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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