FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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