My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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