Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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