you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
