I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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