i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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