I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
