You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
