what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
