I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
