I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
