i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
