Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
