I'm lost and stupid without you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
