dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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