i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
