I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
