he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
