oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
