help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
