The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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