im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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