i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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