you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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