I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
