Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have fence marks all over my body
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize