he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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