At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
